I am inspired more and more everyday by brave women who share their story with me. Every woman has a different story and is on a different healing journey. Many of us can relate on so many levels. When I received this incredibly brave letter from a woman this morning it made it more evident how important it is for us as women to come together and lift each other up. We all have experienced pain, shame, guilt, hurt and much more. When we realize that we are not alone something changes within us and slowly our broken wings are healed and we are ready to take flight. It took me 10 years to leave my ex-husband. So to this beautiful woman who wrote this, we stand behind you and we will be your support until the day comes when you say “No More.”
Dear Entitled Man,
You say you want to help mend me and piece me back together. You say you want to help heal me and make me better. You say you want to walk slowly so I can trust your touch on my body again. You say that you didn’t mean to pressure me over and over again. You say you didn’t know. I tried to tell you time and time again but you wouldn’t listen. You discounted the words I spoke and took what you wanted and justified your action by reminding me of everything you’ve given me. Didn’t you know… my soul isn’t for sale and you cannot negotiate with a hurting heart. Day after day I gave to you and silenced my cries. Night after night I intoxicated my mind for you. I continued to feed your need as I felt indebted to you. You say you are sorry and you are going to fix this and that you are deserving of a second chance because of all you do for me. You also said that you will never let me go and you will be with me for the rest of my life. You reminded me that I belong to you and I’m yours. How can you make me promises that you can’t keep? How are you going to fix me when you aren’t the answer? How are you going to keep me when I’m already gone? How are you so deserving when you are the one who has been hurting me? Darling, can’t you see… I belong to no one and I was never yours. I chose to allow you to be part of me no different then I did for you. That is where you lost me. I’m not your land and the walls I’ve built to protect myself from you are not yours to tear down. They are mine and they will never come down as long as I’m with you. If you loved me like you say you do, you would release me so I can heal my breaking skin and find myself again. If you loved me, you would of heard me when I told you that I can’t feel you anymore and you wouldn’t continue to condone leaving me in this cage. One day I’ll be free but right now, I believe you so I’ll stay for now. I don’t believe your words of love and promise but I do believe the threats and ultimatums. I’m not ready yet but my wings are a work in progress. If you only knew that some things cannot be fixed because they were never broken. They were just tolerant of the neglect you bestowed upon them and although they will forgive you, they will never forget. In the meantime, I have a lot of work to do. Mostly I need to work on releasing my guilt for feeling this way when you have given me so much as you often remind me. One day I’ll give myself permission to let go and I will be strong enough to endure the fall. My promise to you though, is I will fall from you one day and then I’ll fly back to me.