My scars of abuse have always felt unique and made me feel very isolated in my pain. I no longer felt like a person but rather the problem. I was confused about what was normal and used a variety of defense mechanisms to get through life. I responded to the abuse I endured through anxiety, self-harm, perfectionism, the need to control, anorexia, through fear of intimacy as I became an adult and lack of self-worth. Abuse distorted my image of God and affected my ability to seek and trust Him. My confidence was shattered.
My healing began once I realized that as long as I continued to gaze inward, I would always see my scars, but when I gaze on Jesus, I see His scars and remember He died to make me whole again. I finally understood that I could trust the One who loved me completely.
It took me awhile to get there, though. For years, I felt the need to hide the shame and pain I felt. The most astounding changes came as I learned to trust Him with my past hurts. It wasn’t until I knew the One who gave me my eternal name that I would know my true self. For far too long I let the voice of condemnation darken the light in my soul.
My relationship with the Lord has grown immensely but it hasn’t always been easy. I questioned God for a long time and wondered why He would have me endure so much pain at the hands of men who were supposed to love me. I’ve had many questions, and my heart screamed for answers. I felt abandoned in my pain. The truth is Satan wants us to believe God is not good and does not care, but our Father God is never blind to the sins that hurt His people. He grieves over all sin and hates it. Sometimes the Lord deals directly with others’ sinful behavior against us; other times, it’s just not time yet. In mercy, God gives even the most evil among us opportunities to turn to Him and repent. We are not immune to evil, there is no pain free life, and evil will find its way in. God works in incredible ways through tragedy but He does not orchestrate it. Believe and trust, let God bring you through and conquer those demons of your past. He can and He will do that.
Your are Beautiful, You are Smart, You are Kind, You are Unique.
You are worth more than the number on the scale.
You are worthy of love and affection.
Your are never too much and You are ALWAYS enough.
Your worth surpasses all earthy things because in the eyes of the Lord God, You are LOVED!!
You are a Rose, Diamond, a Pearl, You are worth more than you can ever imagine.
You are Powerful, Strong and Capable.
You are a Daughter of the Living God!
It is exhausting to fight a war in your head every single day. I tried for so long to disguise my pain. I felt so much guilt behind my shame. I would spend every day criticizing everything about myself from my weight, to the size of clothes I wore, to the wrinkles on my forehead down to not so perfect nail polish on my toes. All this dissatisfaction stems from how I have perceived myself since I was a young girl. I tried to cover up my pain by becoming something that I thought everyone else wanted me to be. All I wanted was to feel beautiful and not what was done or told to me. Even after all these years I still struggle with these thoughts of trying to be this perfect woman. I find myself once again criticizing every ounce of what makes me, me. I have scars seen and unseen from my past and how I got those scars play a huge role in how I have learned to see myself. However every day I am learning to embrace those scars because they truly are what make me beautiful. Yes, scars can be painful. Scars may seem anything but pretty but there is more good found in scars than we realize. The scars that remain from an unkind word or scars left on the heart after an emotional battle give us strength even when we don’t feel strong. The lasting scars of hurtful memories or painful moments give us a heart of compassion and a love that can’t be found anywhere else. Despite the scars from my past, despite how ugly they have made me feel I know my scars both physical and emotional are truly what make my inner and outer beauty shine. I am no longing staying in bondage to those scars but I am setting myself free and using my scars as weapons to succeed.