In light of April being Sexual Assault Awareness Month I received this powerful story by an amazing young woman that wanted me to share her story so others would know that they are not alone. I am humbled and honored that Memoirs of a Broken Woman is a place where women are finding healing, encouragement and hope. Most of all I am inspired by ALL that have had the courage and strength to share their stories..
My rape story…
“What did I do wrong?” “Was it the dress I was wearing?” “I should never have had that last glass of wine.” “I said NO but soon after gave in.” “I should have screamed.” “It’s my fault.” “My life is over.” “How will anyone ever love me after this?” “I am disgusting.” “I hate myself.”
These are all the things I used to tell myself on a daily basis. I hated what that day took from me. I became lost in my own bubble and refused to let anyone in. I built a wall so high that the strongest of hearts could not penetrate. I was afraid to let anyone see me for what I thought I had become. I felt no longer worthy of being happy and loved. I felt that I deserved what happened to me and nobody anything said or did was going to make me feel differently. I wanted to escape the pain I was feeling inside and thought the only way out was to end my life. I would plead with God to take my pain away and felt that He had turned His back on me when I needed Him the most.
Being that same vibrant girl I once was got lost in my imagination. The screams in my mind only seemed to get louder and louder. That was the old me.
I once was walking out of a night club with a group of friends after a long week of classes and work. I just happened to glance over and off to the left was a young college girl hunched over crying. As my friends continued to walk ahead carrying on with their conversations I was drawn and fixated on this girl. I started walking over to her, I didn’t mean to startle her. I bent down and asked her if she was okay. When she looked up at me her eyes were filled with tears and in that moment I realized I was looking at myself the night that I was raped.
Without hesitation I asked her if she needed me to call anyone or take her somewhere. She declined politely. I explained to her that I wasn’t comfortable leaving her there and wanted to help. I finally convinced her for me to at least take her home if not to the hospital. She only agreed to go home. I told my group of friends to go on without me. I called me and this stranger a cab and took her home. I made sure she made it inside gave her my number and told her I have been in her shoes. I walked away got in the cab and proceeded to go home. I remembering thinking I should have done more.
Two months passed and I received a call from this stranger. She asked if I remembered her, of course I did. She asked if we could meet up so we did. As we sat at a table talking she told me the pain was unbearable and she felt like she wanted to die. For the first time ever I shared my story with her. I told her I had those same feelings. I started crying because until that day I had never told anyone my story. I told her there was a reason I didn’t end my life and that reason I believe was God needed me to save hers.
For anyone that has ever been raped please seek help, know that you are not alone and one day your story could save someone like you.