My Letter to My Abuser: Post:11

​Joe,

There’s a lot I could say, but explaining to you how you should treat others is pointless. I never wanted to change anyone, including you.  But then again, what I wanted was the good person you presented yourself to be. It was unfair of you to portray yourself as anything other than who you are. The massive amount of emotional and verbal abuse that you have inflicted upon me is sickening, as are the countless ways you have disparaged and disrespected me. You do not build me up, you tear me down, and you do it with malice. You may be fooling the majority of the people you encounter in life, but you will no longer fool me. You are such a miserable person on the inside, and rather than focusing your attention on bringing about the true changes you need for yourself, you have chosen to make life a living hell for me. As I said, it’s pointless to try to explain, because I know you’ll never understand.

And regardless, I have stopped caring. I still can’t walk, sit, lie down, or even dress myself. The bruises you inflicted are all over my body. I don’t regret slapping you. I would do it again to distract you from my son, he shouldn’t have been exposed to madness, chaos, screaming, violence, control, and scare tactics.  I know you felt powerful when you kept me isolated from the rest of the world.  But you don’t know what it was like and how a life with you meant living in constant fear, always watchful and worried about what you would do or say. I no longer care what you think or how you chose to justify your disgusting behavior. It’s wrong on so many levels.

What kind of sick person goes through the trouble of presenting himself in such a false way to another? Why would anyone waste their time? I may never understand why you put so much effort into convincing me that you had the same morals and values as I had. The only explanation I have is that only someone extremely sick and delusional would create such a persona. How exhausting it must be for you to live two completely different lives! I feel very angry, not only that you misled me but also because of the abuse I began to question myself, I began to feel like I was the crazy one.  But I know now that I was innocent, my intentions were good, and yours were not. The physical damage will heal and it doesn’t compare to the damage that you have caused me emotionally.

~Bekka

To order Bekka’s book go to https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01MS8SK92/

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