My letter to my abuser: Post #10

The day you moved 8 states away was the happiest day of my life! I no longer had to look over my shoulder or wonder when you would show up next. I no longer had to worry if this time the pain would be physical or emotional. I didn’t have to worry whether you would see the kids or blow them off. You being 2000 miles away.. was the day I finally became free!

It has been 14 years since I finally walked away, or started the journey anyways. My heart longed for the love we shared, (which others couldn’t understand.) When it was good, it was good. But when it was bad IT WAS BAD! A single mom of 3, no job, no income. Moving back home with my parents. Bruised, broken, and alone. I didn’t sleep for months. Every sound, every wind, every silence I could feel your breath. I could smell you anger. I could still feel every punch, every strike, and all the fear.

Each day got a little easier. Easier to tell you no, easier to breath, easier to go somewhere, easier to be free. When I would slip and see you I was ashamed. I hated your voice, your look, I hated that I loved you. Eventually the calls got fewer, you stopped driving by, you stopped asking others and I started to move on.

But the memories will haunt me forever. The turn of your lip, the husky in your voice, the smell of alcohol. The black eyes and bloody noses. The bruises I couldn’t hide. My most of all the fear. The wondering of this would be the night you killed me. Would you drag it on for hours and hours our would it be quick. How can I get out without leaving the kids. Are they awake? Can they hear this? Why did you enjoy rapping me while I was bloody. Did the results of your beating turn you on? You are such a sick f***!!

I am happy, I am loved, I love, and I am free. Your words and actions only make me sick. You will never ever be able to control me again. You will never hurt me again.

I am free!

Rebecca Votrobeckthere-is-power-in-our-voices-when-we-speak-up-dont-suffer-in-silence-get-help-national-domestic-violence-hotline-at-1-800-799-7233-safe-or-1-800-787-3224-tty-now

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One thought on “My letter to my abuser: Post #10

  1. reading this I can see the moments flash before my eyes. I was quite young when my abuser took control of my life, but those same thoughts and feelings as you describe… With this be the day I die?? Haunting.. God bless you for having the courage to get out!! Keep fighting for your happiness, well-being and safety YOU ARE SO WORTH IT!

    Like

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