Why women go back?


It takes a woman on average of 7 to 9 times to successfully leave an abusive relationship. The most terrifying and dangerous time in a domestic violence situation is when a woman decides to leave. Many women of domestic violence are killed each year by their partners after they have left their abuser. Leaving, itself, can be a dangerous process. Leaving requires strategic planning and legal intervention measures to safeguard a woman and her children. Victims know their abusers better than anyone and if they are fearful of leaving, they are scared for a very important reason.
In most cases a form of isolation has been prevalent throughout the relationship so that the victim feels alone and has a lack of support from others. For many abusers this is the time that the violence, threats and financial abuse escalates even more. The abusers sense they are losing control and will grasp at anything to keep it. Anything from withholding access to bank accounts, vehicles and using children as a way to keep the victim from leaving. For the victims/survivors the fear of the unknown in the outside world can be intimidating and brings the feelings of not being able to provide for themselves and their children. For some they have been isolated from family and friends for so long and may not live in the same state anymore.

Leaving is a process and many times the victim/survivor returns many times before she permanently leaves her abuser. The first, second and third time a victim/survivor leaves it may be an attempt for the abuser to get help and hope to work things out. Victims/survivors want to believe that their abuser loves them and will change so they are willing to give it another try. It may go well for a while and the abuse will subside but statistics reveal that an abuser will likely return to their abusive ways. Financial stability is another reason why many women go back to their abusers. If a woman hasn’t worked in many years she may feel that she cannot support herself and or her children. Women in abusive relationships don’t always have high self-esteem or self-confidence, and this makes leaving a relationship more difficult.
The fourth, fifth and sixth attempts to leave may result in acquiring available resources, housing, childcare, legal help and buy some time to put a support system in place for when she is ready to leave for good. Abusers are very manipulative and deceiving they know how to plead with the victim to stay insisting that they will change. The judgement attached to women returning to violent relationships is the reason why women do not come forward about their dangerous relationships, causing them to be further isolated from the outside world and rely on her abuser. Women hold on to the idea that these men will change because they weren’t always abusive. Maybe he will go back to how he used to be. Setting boundaries after leaving an abuser can be a daunting and almost an impossible task for some. For far too long boundaries have been set for them so creating a new standard of boundaries can be difficult.
Things you can do:
EDUCATE YOURSELF so you can help EDUCATE THEM. Victims cannot see how bad it really is and sometimes think this abuse is NORMAL because maybe they grew up in abusive homes.
Do not ask why.
Do not judge.
Do not isolate/abandon someone in a bad relationship.
Do not compare your situation or someone else’s situation to others. Every type of abuse escalates. Some  are worse than others because it’s been going on longer or just have escalated quicker.

One thought on “Why women go back?

  1. my abuser not only told me I was worthless and nothing, he told me nobody loved me or ever will. He preyed upon my young mind, as I was already damaged from my home situation. I was a young girl with fear in her heart. He told me he would kill me and my family if I ever tried to leave. I believed him, as he was crazy and violent. The abuse I sustained was unimaginable!!! Once I was finally able to break free from his clutches I ran for my life! It took me years to recover from all that was done to me. my self-esteem was pretty much shattered and my spirit broken, but I picked myself up, and pushed forward. Telling myself I DESERVE BETTER, I WANT BETTER, I NEED BETTER… I AM WORTH IT.. Fight for yourselves you are so worth the battle, you can win the war… Never give up and Never give in!! God bless you on your personal journey to mental freedom.

    Liked by 1 person

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