When I finally got away from his clenches, I vowed that I would fight for changes in my life and save myself. I would sit and look in the mirror and pinch myself, touch my face and wonder where did I go? How do I get myself back? How does a 14-year-old girl save herself from hell!
I wrote in my journal over and over again… You are worth it…You are worth it… I did this every day. I would look at those words and something deep inside of me started brewing. I knew one day it would be better. I would live a great life in spite of all that has happened to me. I was determined never to give up!
I went on to live with my grandparents and my sick mother. Life was complicated and hard. I was running from my past demons that I hid from the world, trying to keep my head above water and survive this madness. As time went by, I did just that, I survived. I pushed through high school, and a one-year secretarial program. I was determined to make it.
There were so many bumps and bruises along the way, so many set backs, flash backs fighting my inner demons every single day, but my mind set would always go back to that paper… “I AM WORTH IT”.
I kept on pushing, I kept on going….
I now look back at all that heartache and treachery and what it took for me to get here, and I feel blessed. I am proud of the woman that I have become. It has been a long and winding road, and my husband came along for the ride, blindly supporting me, as he had no clue as to the deep pain inside my head. Those flashbacks, those moments when I felt frozen in time. It felt like I was in a plastic bag that was cloudy and I was fighting my way out as I was suffocating. The pain, OH the pain.
I did seek counseling more than once and I was diagnosed with PTSD. Through out this process I always worked hard at keeping my demons at bay, but that was not the answer. After the death of my father, all the old feeling came rushing back in like a tidal wave, and I had to face them once and for all. Be the fierce warrior that I was meant to be, that was the thoughts in my mind!!
So that is what I did. I faced them all, and battled them down to the ground putting them to rest. In this process of healing I journaled all of my thoughts, memories and feelings. This would later become my book. The Unspoken Truth, A Memoir is a detailed looked into my life from the age of six on up to adulthood. My book was just released in October and I could not be more proud and happy to have made it.
In the process of my writing, I healed. I forgave, and I moved forward leaving that old baggage to the wayside once and for all.
I am now living a full and happy life with my family. Is life hectic? YES it is, we have kids in the house! I have never felt more alive and free in all my life. I am whole, well as whole as I can be. Yes, there will always be that small part of me that will hurt, my battle scars of the past, but I look at them as my personal medal of honor for making it.
Writing my book was my way of giving back, and being that VOICE for those who are still not there yet! I say YET because you can get there, with hard work and dedication to yourself, you can achieve what I have, HEALING.
My name is Lisa Zarcone, and I am a survivor and better yet a thriver!
God Bless all of you on your personal journey to freedom.