I AM WORTH IT…..Part 1

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As I sit here and reflect back on my life, so many things come to mind! I am a 50-year-old woman, author to my personal memoir, The Unspoken Truth, and a devoted wife, mother of 3 and grandmother of 3.

My husband and I made it together 30 years in marriage and going strong, we have taken on the role of parents to two of our grandchildren 8 and 4. My life is filled with so many incredible things that I can cry just thinking about it, because it has been a long and torturous road to get here.

When I was a young girl I was faced with so many horrors I could not find my way out of the madness for years. Image at the age of six watching your nine-year-old brother die from Leukemia, and seeing your mom who was already fragile from her battle of mental illness totally fall apart. Yes that was my reality that I was faced with, and the beginning of my nightmare.

After the death of my brother my little world fell apart, and there was nothing I could do about it.   My father fled in despair and anger, as he lost both his wife and son on the same day. My mother emerged as a monster at times. Sadly, she was bi-polar with schizophrenic tendencies, with mania and deep dark depression. It was back in the 70’s when mental illness was frowned upon and it was a no tell culture. Everything in the home was private. As children we were taught to never speak of what was happening behind closed doors.

I lived in what I called the house of horrors for years, many of them alone with my mother. The daily torture she imposed on me was hideous, twisted and quite truthfully unbelievable. When I read back my own story I still cringe at times to think wow this is real!  This really happened to me!

Fast forward a few years, I was about twelve years old, my dad finally left. He was hardly ever home anyways, always working, always running. When he made it official my mom took another turn for the worst as she took herself off all medications, and the abuse went from bad to worse.  I was forced to endure continual abuse, day in and day out. I was a lost and lonely little girl. I was damaged and sad. My dad did not take me with him, and my family didn’t want to step in, so I was forced to live in a situation that was like out of a horror movie.

My mother would bring in many misfits to our home.  The homeless bums on the street and young teen boys were her favorite, as she always wanted mania and dysfunctional company.   They were always lurking and looking to prey upon me. Then one day a young man came back into our neighborhood after years of being away, and my mom befriended him.   He was a 15-year-old troubled boy, who managed to get into our house, by telling my mom he had Leukemia like my brother! That was the ticket and his opportunity to claim me as his own.

This young man was as sick and twisted as they came, and him and my mother fed off of each other’s sick energy. It didn’t take long before the beatings and rapes occurred. The countless acts of abuse that we bestowed upon me were of the most hideous kind.  This was something I endured for two years. I can go on and on about what was done to me, but what I will say is this, it was the worst, sadistic kind of abuse that one could think of and more.

Lisa Zarcone, Author of The Unspoken Truth, A Memoir.

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