For many years I have struggled with feeling broken, dirty, ashamed, guilty and unworthy of love. My perception of myself became what I was told long ago. I felt too broken to be fixed, too violated to be loved, and too messed up to be normal. I struggled with finding anything beautiful about myself. I think we tend to underestimate the power that words contain and the reality they create. A simply word can have the most beautiful meaning but can also be so tarnished. Words are not only a way to express oneself but they describe feelings, emotions and pain. Memories are in reality a series of words that reflect life that once was.
Words are labels that we ourselves start to believe about who we are. Shame is more than just a word it is a life sentence and we tend to carry it around like a back pack. Satan uses the shame in our life to convince us that we are “damaged goods” because of what was done to us or what we have done. We feel unworthy because of the shame. I slowly have realized that nothing could be further from the truth. God is always there, waiting to heal us we just need to be willing to accept it.
Every woman wants to feel beautiful, feminine and sexy but when those words are misused and abused suddenly the words no longer have the lovely connotation that they should. Healing from words that caused so much pain is like seeing the sunlight reflect off the ocean while underneath the surface you are drowning. Hearing words that are suppose to sweep you off your feet but instead make your legs buckle below you at the sound. Words that were created to take your breath away suddenly leave you with a knot in your stomach that leaves you frozen in fear. Words that describe the most innocent part of you leave you lifeless and with quiet tears that fall to the ground.
Feeling beautiful is not just about the outer appearance. It is about feeling like you matter, feeling human, feeling like you have a purpose, feeling whole and no longer feeling ashamed. Letting go of the backpack that has been filled with words that have been spoken to us our whole life is a difficult thing. But as we learn to unload that backpack little at time we start to reclaim our life and we no longer believe the labels that we once thought we were. We are all Scarred Beautiful!
I will feel beautiful again!! Beautiful, my Beautiful is how God sees us! (thank you Andrea)