My letter to my abuser campaign: Post #8

Thank you for your bravery in sharing your story!

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To the man I use to love:

Because of you I am now part of a statistic that I never thought I would be. You always said you didn’t mean to hit me but the first time you did my body went completely numb. You knocked the breath right out of me. I saw my hopes and dreams shatter right in front of me. “If I can’t have you no one can,” you would say. I realize now that Love should never hurt! It was not fair how you treated me. You didn’t deserve my love, kindness, compassion and heart. You didn’t deserve me! You wouldn’t change so I had to. I use to ask myself repeatedly what I had done wrong. You killed the spirit in me for so many years. I was forced to keep your secrets and protect your image all the while I was hurting and desperately wanted a way out. You put me out like a piece of garbage my body hurt every day. I contemplated suicide regularly. My tears seemed to never stop flowing. There was not one day that I slept peacefully and without fear. Every day of our marriage consisted of violence. Roses were no longer beautiful to me. To this day I still can’t stand the smell of roses. My face was a constant reminder of the terror I was to endure. I can’t even put to words the fear you instilled in me.

I am taking my life back. You can no longer destroy my spirit, I clinged to my hope to survive. I am more than the past you created, I am now my future. Shame has no more place in my life. I haven’t forgotten the hell you put me through but I have forgiven you. In order for me to put the pain aside I had to learn to forgive what caused the pain to begin with. I hate you, I love you, I hate that I felt that I didn’t deserve any better. Being gone for 3 years now I know that I am enough and you never gave a dam about me. I am moving on and I am no longer the woman that would tolerate your behavior, I will never be her ever again. I have found my freedom, my spirit, my joy and my peace. I am saying goodbye forever!

Anonymous

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