Nightmares are a product of years of terror. They are just as bad as the monster that created them. You never anticipate their arrival and they rattle your soul like nothing else can. They come creeping in the night and you are awakened by the fear. Everything feels and seems so real. Waking up to my heart pounding and frozen in place to what I had put behind me was nerve racking. It has been a while since I experienced a nightmare like the one I did last night. It was a vivid reminder of the hell I use to live in.
I’m not sure why the nightmares are presenting themselves now. My thoughts are because now I have started this project, Memoirs of a Broken Woman and I’m talking about my past more than I ever have before. This process makes it more evident to me that my healing journey is not over. There is no correct time frame that healing should be concluded. Talking, writing and sharing has been the most cathartic experience for me and I’m sure for others as well. Despite the nightmares that still exist and the feelings that come with them I know that my new reality is filled with kindness, gentleness and unconditional love. More importantly is that in my new reality I am safe!
I don’t speak of the nightmares to anyone, it’s been 8 years, you would think that they no longer existed but that is far from the truth. However I still have to see my real life monster on a weekly basis which makes the healing process more difficult. They actually occur more often than people think but staying silent about them tends to be easier. I woke up this morning in an all too familiar fear and I just prayed asking God for peace and comfort and layed these nightmares at His feet! God does restore and heal!