***Warning this post may be a TRIGGER for other survivors of childhood sexual abuse***
There is Freedom found when we lay our secrets down at the cross. God is so good that He can take something so horrible and bring beauty from ashes. Your courage to share your story is inspiring and can change lives. I am honored that you chose Memoirs of a Broken Woman to share your story.
A letter to the man who molested me:
It has taken years to write this letter to you. I know you are no longer on this earth but I need this pain to go away once and for all. I didn’t have the words before, or the clarity, or the courage. But, today I do. Today, I can see how my life has changed who I was all those years ago.
I don’t want to go into details about what you did you knew what you were doing. I just wanted to know why? All I remembered was every night before bed you always put me to sit on your lap and telling me to open my legs, so you can pull my underwear aside and stick your finger inside of me, then you said give you a kiss when I reached in to give you a kiss on your cheek you turned your face so it can land on your mouth, so disgusting. I really hated sitting on your lap because I knew what was going to happen. Then you said go to my room I thought I did something wrong not knowing you were about to finish what you started. You would creep into my room and force your Manhood inside of me and satisfy yourself. I felt so nasty when I got up and had to go outside I thought everyone can see what you did I didn’t understand it, I was confused.
That was not the only time you touched me. It happened many times after that, but you know that already. I remembered you told me don’t let anyone see my little box but you. I went to school and told my friends my uncle told me you can’t touch my little box they were laughing because no one knew what the hell I was talking about. I even ask my friend “hey does your uncle touch your little box, like my uncle touched mine?” She said what? I pointed down to my little box she looked lost and confused.
My mom had called and I told her you touched my little box, she changed the subject right away saying she loved me and missed me. I said if you love me come get me, where are you? She said she will come get me soon I was wondering did she hear me or did she ignored me like the last time I told her that her other boyfriend touched me down there. I told the teacher about my little box and she told the nurse. The nurse said I’m a liar I made it up; I was just looking for attention.
After school here we go again back to your house and it continued, I wanted to tell you wife what happened not knowing she was going to be a part of this later on that night. I had no way out, no escape no one to tell, my mother is already gone it was just me and my secrets. I couldn’t run away I was too little. I did leave after 4 terrible years and that never left my mind.
Yes, you took my childhood my innocence my virginity (I guess you can call it that) But, you never broke my spirit.
The Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)