My Letter to My Abuser Campaign: Letter #2

Thank you for sharing your story with Memoirs of a Broken Woman! You are a beautiful and courageous woman who has found her voice.

Dear Abuser,

When I first met you, I thought you would be my knight who came to rescue me. I left home running from a father who was physically and sexually abusive. I believed you when you set you would take care of me and protect me. Little did I know that I was trading was abusive situation for another.

At first, I thought you were the perfect guy. You were well liked and trusted by family and friends, so I looked up to you. We had our first child together I believed I had a great future ahead of me. In the beginning, it was just the little things like explaining how I didn’t clean correctly and you needed to show me how it was supposed to be done. Eventually it was an everyday listing of how I didn’t measure up to your expectations. Dinner wasn’t right, your shirts were not ironed properly, I didn’t clean right, and I didn’t satisfy you properly. I had to listen as you would lock the bathroom door and talk to other women. I found emails between you and your other female coworkers. I would cry myself to sleep most nights because I couldn’t seem to make you happy.

As our first child started to get older, not only did I have to hear how stupid I was and couldn’t get anything right, then you began to tell our child how I didn’t meet your expectations. You had our child tell on me every time I messed up. I wasn’t allowed to touch you without your permission. I never had the right job because I didn’t bring in enough money. Then began the isolation tactics. You explained to me how everyone in the family hated me and didn’t want to be around me while at the same time you told other family members how I didn’t want to be around them. You would make jokes about me in front of family members so they would laugh at me. Then tell me why can’t I take a joke. You would tell me on a daily basis how much weight I gained and how I needed to be only about a hundred pounds. I felt so alone. I had no friends and no safe place to go.

I kept telling myself that things would get better that at least you were not hitting me. I thought she occasional shoving was acceptable because at least you were not punching me. We tried counseling but that didn’t work because you explained my shortcomings to the therapist and asked them to fix me. Then came the destruction. Almost on a daily basis you would tear up the house and throw things on the floor if you could not find something. I spent almost every day cleaning up. If the dog pooped on the floor and you happened to step in it, you would smear it on something and leave it for me to clean. You would yell at me if I touched any of your things. Then came our second child, and I thought for sure this would fix our situation. I kept telling myself that he will be happy with me now. I was definitely wrong.
My situation started to get worse. Every day you needed to remind me that I was a pathetic, worthless loser who was never going to amount to anything, but now you felt the need to tell my children I was nothing. You told our children that I didn’t love them or care about them. You told them and other family members that I was unstable and needed help. You continued with your lies so I would have nowhere to turn. Your next goal was to financially isolate me. You decided to keep your own bank account so I wouldn’t have access to your paycheck, or know that you had a girlfriend on the side. You would tell me I had to give you my paycheck or you would not pay any bills. I learned that lesson the hard way when our electricity and water was cut off. I was only allowed in certain parts of the house. I couldn’t go in your office or be near your computer. One of our kids would let you know if I even got close to your office door. You explained to me that you were a master manipulator and no one would ever listen to me or believe me. You stated that you would win because you always win.

In a way I believe your right. It has been awhile since our divorce, but I still have to listen to you tell me I never going to be successful. I have watched as you continually try and destroy my relationship with our children because you don’t want me to be a part of their lives. I left our marriage with my self confidence in shreds. I work hard every day to tell myself I will succeed, and I am not a loser.

I am here to tell you that although you have won many of the battles, I will emerge victorious from the war. I have learned through this experience that any form of abuse whether it is physical, sexual, verbal, or emotional is wrong. I will not be your verbal punching bag anymore.



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