When I stop and think about it, the inner and invisible scars we all have are the ones that often hurt the most. I’ve never met anyone who didn’t have some form of a physical scar. It is almost impossible surviving your childhood without any physical scars. For some of us physical scars are a reminder of a horrific event in our life. For others the physical scars are memories of years of abuse. Often times our inner scars come from ourselves. At least for me I can say I have spent many years beating myself up, criticizing myself, putting labels on myself, holding myself to higher standards that are impossible to reach and putting blame on myself that doesn’t belong to me. Everyone has a unique relationship with their own scars invisible and seen. Healing looks different for everyone and we should learn to never compare our healing journey with anyone else’s. Once we learn how to embrace all our scars we can heal. God does not see us as broken or wounded but rather He sees us as beautiful and mended despite our scars.
In today’s society the standard of beauty is unattainable. There is so much emphasis on outer perfection rather than the inner soul. I’ll admit that I myself have fallen captive by society’s standards of beauty. I would try to obtain that flawless outer appearance, that sensational sense of style, the perfect makeup and the latest hair style. However as much as I tried to match that ideal standard I always failed. Anyone can look like they have it all together on the outside when they are dying on the inside. Trying to conform to these standards of beauty I was setting myself up for failure. While going through some of the darkest times of my life I developed an eating disorder. Anorexia for me was not about losing the weight to feel beautiful. Anorexia was about having some sense of control when everything in my life was so out of control. I was in a situation where I was frozen by fear and felt hopeless on an everyday basis. The one thing that I could control was what I put in my body. For people that didn’t know I was suffering with anorexia I would get comments on how good I looked once I started losing the weight. I used to think to myself, “What did I look like before?” It took a long time for me to realize that anorexia is a false sense of control and in reality it controls you. I learned that anorexia was and is the symptom to the scars I carry.
Just because we have scars and we don’t fit societies standard of beauty doesn’t mean we are not beautiful. It just means that we are Scarred Beautiful. Scarred Beautiful simply describes our journey through life and surviving days where we may have taken on more than we can bare and regret the choices we have made. It means being lost in a world trying to find where we belong. Despite the fact we can’t go back and change our past and what has been done we simply are learning to walk in a spirit of gratefulness. Throughout our journey there has been joy, regret, pain and healing and sometimes we have been blinded by our own fear. Being Scarred Beautiful is standing in the rain and not knowing which direction to go. It is seeing the beauty through all the pain and fighting to stay strong. It is crying your last tear and feeling like all the walls around you are closing in but finding a way through the darkness. It is seeing our ashes of which we once were become our new standard of beauty; it is taking our pain and scars and turning them into something beautiful!
I am Scarred Beautiful……..