Yesterday I had the pleasure of meeting with a very courageous woman who shares her own story of pain and healing through her book and now started a movement for women and their journey through healing. We had exchanged messages only prior to meeting and decided to meet for lunch. I must admit that I was very nervous and was filled with anxiety on my way to meet her. I did not know what to expect of how this interaction was going to be and felt very unsure about my decision to meet with her.
The minute we made eye contact, exchanged hugs and sat down I felt such a sense of comfort and relief. The anxiety that I had started to subside. As we talked and shared with each other we could relate in many ways. Talking to a complete stranger about my life made me feel vulnerable and exposed but also very empowered. By pursuing this book project I know I am opening myself up for critics, negativity and much more. However after talking with her I know the good will out weigh the bad!
One thing she asked me during our visit was, “Why don’t you give yourself the same grace you give others?” That question really resonated with me because it was true. We were talking about guilt and shame and how it can be so difficult to let go of even though in our minds we know it wasn’t our fault. She had asked what I would say to another woman or young girl that was in an abusive relationship. Of course I would would be compassionate with anyone that has ever been in that situation and I would reassure them that in no way they were to blame for the abuse that they endured. I would let them know that what happened to them does not define them.
I know for so long I would push and push myself to try to be the perfect mom, wife and friend. Eventually, all that pushing lead to me beating myself up because I felt so inadequate and I carried so much guilt and shame from my past. I’m slowly realizing that I don’t allow myself the same freedom and grace I give to those around me. I would never tell one of my friends that she is inadequate because she can’t do it all or that it is her fault for the things that have happened to her in her life. So I had to ask myself why can’t I allow myself to step back and have that same grace. I am not perfect and never will be. I fall short every day and I don’t have it all together. However what I do know is that I am strong, I am a good mom, a good wife and a good friend. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my days where I screw up but don’t we all. Grace covers a multitude of sin and God’s grace and mercy are new every morning!
“Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16).
Even though I am at the early stages of writing, “Memoirs of a Broken Woman” I know deep in my heart this is what I have to do. I am no longer putting a time constraint on myself as to when this book project will be finished because it is not about that. It is about me telling my story, my way and in my time. I am so passionate about this project but at times find myself stifled by the fear and the unknown. After speaking to this woman for 2 hours I am more sure than I’ve ever been. I know there will be some crazy bumps in the road. There will be tears, laughter, joy and pain but in the end the voice that was taken away from me for so long now can and will speak out.
We all have our own unique story with battle scars and wounds that we carry but there is something so powerful about sharing our story with others!