Steel Bars

Excerpt from my book…

“Living with a man like my ex-husband was like having a gun pointed at your head every single day, and you just don’t know when the gun is going to go off. I became the queen of appearance. I knew how to smile regardless of what just happened and act like everything was fine. My skin was at a constant state of black and blue. There were so many bruises at times I couldn’t even hide them all. I felt my spirit being broken more and more every day and I felt as though all hope was completely gone. I would have many conversations with God to help me carry on and make it through one more day. Days seem to get longer and longer and all I wanted to do was sleep the pain away. The physical pain I got used to but the mental pain from the constant belittling and criticizing made me feel like I was going insane. I would actually tell myself that things could be worse and would try talking myself out of the reality of my situation. Having my husband tell me day in and day out how worthless I was, how stupid I was, that I couldn’t do anything right and that I was a horrible mom and wife, I started to actually believe him. There was no ounce of self-esteem left in my body. I couldn’t understand the fact that he could say he loved me one minute and then turn around and hit me the next. I didn’t understand how I provoked him. My thoughts were it must be me.”

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