This is a new journey for me, I don’t know a thing about blogging but I will learn as I go. My reason for starting this blog is to not only share my own experiences with domestic violence but to help others that have either been or are currently in a situation where domestic violence is present. I am in no way an expert or a qualified person to give advice but I have endured 10 years of abuse at the hands of a man that I once called my husband. My hope is to reach out to others and to give a voice to those who feel like they don’t have one. I am just an ordinary woman with an extraordinary story. Currently I am in the process of writing my book titled, “Memoirs of a Broken Woman.” However I am choosing to remain anonymous for the sake of my children. It is my story, my life, my scars and it is me. I can finally say that I am on the road to healing. Every day is a new day and I am grateful for every struggle, triumph, tear and smile. I am a different woman today. This is just my way of trying to make a difference!
Take this time to embrace and comfort your inner child, banishing the wounds of long ago. Let the beautiful music and gentle voice lead you through.
My scars of abuse have always felt unique and made me feel very isolated in my pain. I no longer felt like a person but rather the problem. I was confused about what was normal and used a variety of defense mechanisms to get through life. I responded to the abuse I endured through anxiety, self-harm, perfectionism, the need to control, anorexia, through fear of intimacy as I became an adult and lack of self-worth. Abuse distorted my image of God and affected my ability to seek and trust Him. My confidence was shattered.
My healing began once I realized that as long as I continued to gaze inward, I would always see my scars, but when I gaze on Jesus, I see His scars and remember He died to make me whole again. I finally understood that I could trust the One who loved me completely.
It took me awhile to get there, though. For years, I felt the need to hide the shame and pain I felt. The most astounding changes came as I learned to trust Him with my past hurts. It wasn’t until I knew the One who gave me my eternal name that I would know my true self. For far too long I let the voice of condemnation darken the light in my soul.
My relationship with the Lord has grown immensely but it hasn’t always been easy. I questioned God for a long time and wondered why He would have me endure so much pain at the hands of men who were supposed to love me. I’ve had many questions, and my heart screamed for answers. I felt abandoned in my pain. The truth is Satan wants us to believe God is not good and does not care, but our Father God is never blind to the sins that hurt His people. He grieves over all sin and hates it. Sometimes the Lord deals directly with others’ sinful behavior against us; other times, it’s just not time yet. In mercy, God gives even the most evil among us opportunities to turn to Him and repent. We are not immune to evil, there is no pain free life, and evil will find its way in. God works in incredible ways through tragedy but He does not orchestrate it. Believe and trust, let God bring you through and conquer those demons of your past. He can and He will do that.
Many times we tend to compare the storms in our life to the storms of others. We deny ourselves the truth and reality of the pain we are facing. Our storm may not be as tempestuous as the storms others face, but it is not the velocity of the storm that makes our Heavenly Father willing to help us. It is our faith in His calming power and our hastening to call for His help that allows Him to calm our hearts during life’s storms.
God not only calms the physical seas, but He can also calm the seas within our minds and souls. When the waters of anguish begin to fill our ship cling to the One who calms the sea.
To love ourselves is to see our own true beauty. It means we understand how incredible we are. It means we appreciate ourselves, we believe in ourselves and most of all, like ourselves exactly the way we are. When we learn to love ourselves we start to see our true potential, we see our own strengths, capabilities, and achievements.
To love ourselves is to fully support ourselves, back ourselves up and be our own best friend. It means we look at our accomplishments and achievements and give ourselves recognition and admiration for what we have achieved. Loving ourselves is the greatest thing we can ever do for ourselves and others.
“When our brokenness is surrendered to God, restoration begins and beauty blossoms.”